Alternative Soap Opera
by Terra3
Summary: During Band Camp, we had a Skit Night. This is based on one of the skits, at least at first, then it snowballed into ... well, you'll see. There's some yaoiyuri but it's not supposed to be taken seriously.This makes fun of alternative pairings, sorry.


Okay, this is my parody on alt. couples. If it's really dumb, that's because  
it's supposed to be.  
  
Warning: Some yaoi/yuri stuff. But it's all in fun. It might be lemony too but  
I don't know where the line is drawn between normal/lime/lemon. Will someone  
tell me the difference?  
  
An Alternative Soap Opera  
  
By Terra  
  
"Okay," Lina began, "Since there's only two rooms tonight, Gourry and Zel will  
share a room and I will share a room with Amelia. Is that okay?" Not skipping  
a beat, "Great. Let's go."  
As Lina began to trek up the stairs with Amelia tagging behind, Zel grabbed  
Gourry's arm.  
"Gourry, I have a confession to make."  
"What, Zel?"  
Zel took a breath, "Gourry, I'm gay."  
Gourry suddenly became enlightened, "That's why you always pour my coffee for  
me! I love you!"  
"Gourry!"  
"Zel!"  
And they immediantly began making out at the foot of the stairs. Lina and  
Amelia whirled around.  
Lina screamed, "AAAA!!! EEEWWW!!! Stop that! It's gross!!!!"  
Amelia sighed, "I think it's wonderful!"  
"How? It's disgusting!"  
"It's very simple. You see..." Amelia looked at Lina with ultra glittery  
shoujo eyes with bubbles and fairies framing her, "If they're together, now  
_WE_ can be together!"  
"WHAT?!?!?!"  
"Kiss me, Lina!" Amelia jumped on Lina and tried to kiss her. Lina lost her  
balance and they slid down the stairs. Lina struggled against her new found  
lover but Amelia would not yield.   
Then suddenly, Gourry shot straight up with his hands on Zel's chest, sort of  
in a yoga dog pose. "But I'm torn between two loves!"  
"Two loves?" Zel asked, trying to get up.  
"Yes, I also love..." Gourry stated melodramatically, "AMELIA!" Amelia stood  
straight up, standing on top of Lina.  
"Oh, Gourry! I never knew! I'm so happy because I love you too!" Then the  
Romeo and Juliet theme started playing out of nowhere and bubbles, hearts,  
fairies and such filled the air around them. Then they ran towards each other  
in slow mo.  
"AMELIA!"  
"GOURRY!" Then they began making out at the foot of the stairs. Zel teared up,  
"Gourry! How could you?!"  
Lina was in complete shock, "What in HELL is going on?!"  
Zel ignored her, "But I'll forgive you, my love, because I am also torn  
between two loves." Gourry and Amelia stopped making out and asked in sync,  
"Who?"  
"I torn between my dear Gourry and..." Zel whirled around to look Lina in the  
eye, "my dear LINA!" Zel also went into slow mo, "LINA! KISS ME!!"  
Lina screamed and Zel picked her up and spun her around. Lina fainted.  
  
***  
  
Lina woke up in bed. When her eyes came into focus, all she could see was  
Amelia and Zel's faces.  
"Are you alright, Lina?" Amelia asked.  
"Am I the only one who is straight around here?" Lina whined.  
Zel sighed, "We were only joking. We didn't think you would faint."  
"So, you don't love Gourry?"  
"No, Lina," Zel said.  
"And neither do you?"  
"No, of course not," Amelia replied.  
"And neither of you love me?"  
They shook their heads. Then Lina was calm... until she realized that Zel's  
and Amelia's faces were really close.  
"You know, you guys can sit back now."  
"What do you mean?" Amelia asked, perplexed.  
"I mean, you can lean back into your chairs. Your backs must be killing you by  
leaning forward so far."  
"We're not sitting in chairs, Lina," Zel said calmly. Confused, Lina looked  
around. Then saw that both Zel and Amelia were sitting on the bed and were in  
their underwear. And so was she.  
"AAAAA!!! WHY ARE YOU NAKED?! AAAAA!!! WHY AM _I_ NAKED?!" She sat up and saw  
that, yep, Gourry was also in his underwear. And was measuring wine bottles.  
"AAAAAA!!! WHY ARE YOU NAKED?! And why are you measuring wine bottles?"  
"Well, I want us to get equally drunk and I'm afraid that a full bottle of  
wine might put Amelia in a coma, so I'm trying to balance it all out."  
"Why do you even care?"  
Zel rolled his eyes, "You don't know anything, Lina!"  
"What do you mean?"  
Amelia gave her a "God-how-dumb-can-you-be" look, "Lina! _EVERYONE_ knows that  
everyone must get drunk to start off an orgy fic!"  
"A WHAT?!"  
"A orgy fic. In which everyone has nookie with everyone else."  
"I'm not getting involved in this!"  
Gourry sat straight up, "Okay! Ready!" And he handed out the equal portion of  
liquor to everyone.  
"NO WAY! I REFUSE!"  
Amelia pouted at Zel, "ZEL! It won't work if she doesn't do it with us."  
"I guess you're right. Gourry, hold her down."  
  
And a scream pierced the night, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!! I REFUUUUSEEE!"  
  
The End.  
  
This was based on a skit I saw on Skit Night. The first part with Zel and  
Gourry was from the skit (it was making fun of General Hospital) and I was  
going to do just that but I decided that I should let Amelia get into the act  
also. And so it went.  
These charcters are probably way out of character but as I said, it's a  
parody.   
What do you guys think?  
  
Terra  
  
  



End file.
